We all know the song:
There was a farmer who had a dog,
and Bingo was his name-o.
B-I-N-G-O
B-I-N-G-O
B-I-N-G-O
And Bingo was his name-o.
The question is, “Whose name is Bingo?” Is it the dog or the farmer? We asked theologians of different traditions for their answers.
Dispensationalist: While the grammar is not restrictive, the cultural and dispensational context indicates that Bingo is the name of the dog, not the farmer.
Covenant Theologian: Bingo was the dog’s name, but he has been replaced by the cat, who is a spiritual dog.
Methodist: The farmer was obviously a woman.
Charismatic: Wait, is Bingo actually a name? I thought we were just speaking in tongues.
Baptist: Let’s form a Bingo committee. Who’s bringing the coleslaw?
Roman Catholic: Let’s play BINGO!
Church of Christ: The BINGO song was never intended to be accompanied by musical instruments.
Mid-Acts Dispensationalist: The dog’s name doesn’t begin until the letter N.
Late-Acts Dispensationalist: The dog’s name doesn’t begin until the letter O.
Progressive Dispensationalist: The farmer is Bingo already and the dog is not yet Bingo. Already/Not Yet. It doesn’t make sense, but that’s ok.
Lordship Salvationist: If the dog does not endure to the end, then the farmer never truly chose to name him Bingo from the beginning.
Calvinist: Calvin said that Bingo is the dog.
Calvin: Bingo is the farmer.
Lutheran: Luther said that Bingo is the farmer.
Luther: Bingo is the dog.
Prosperity Gospel: The farmer went to the Bingo Hall, shouted “BINGO,” and walked away with the dog, Bingo. See? God even gives victory to cheaters so long as they have faith.
Anglican: The song about Bingo is a myth, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Postmodernist: It’s not just a name of a dog or a farmer, it’s an experience, a journey, a pineapply goo lamp zim zum boogittyboo.
New Apostolic Reformationist: The farmer is both a farmer and a dog and the dog is both a farmer and a dog. If you will give a seed faith donation today, God will return it a hundredfold.
Facebook Poll: 12 people chose “farmer.” 128 chose “dog.” 432 chose “potato.”
Greek Orthodox: ΚύριεἐλέησονΚύριεἐλέησονΚύριεἐλέησον
Russian Orthodox: ГосподипомилуйГосподипомилуйГосподипомилуй
American Orthodox: LordhavemercyLordhavemercyLordhavemercy
Messianic Jew: The farm was kosher.
Hebrew Roots: Translated into Hebrew, Bingo is בינגו, and if you move the second letter to the end, then put a space in there somewhere, you get בן גוי, which means “son of Gentile.” This confirms that the dog’s real name was Shlomo all along.
Mormon: Have you heard the final verse that was revealed to Joseph Smith and corrects all previous verses?
Jehovah’s Witness: My translation says that nobody’s name was actually called Bingo.
Christ-Centered Preacher: Bingo is Jesus.
Another Christ-Centered Preacher: The farmer is Jesus.
Yet another Christ-Centered Preacher: The dog is Jesus.
“Ah” Preacher: And-ah! the dog’s name-ah! was BINGO-AH!
Evangelical: C’mon, we’re all saying the same thing here!